![]() At this point, the garbage truck will pass up your trashcan because it ‘smells too bad’. You are required to have a level 4 hazardous material chamber and several federal licenses to change the baby and dispose of the material. A bomb disposal truck comes in pretty useful. You might have to wipe all the way to the baby’s shoulder blades at this point. The diaper reached max capacity 6 levels ago and the poo has flowed through every crack and crevice. You might consider using steel armor plate to change the baby on to protect the furniture. Many children will hit one of these higher levels at some point. After a D5, grandparents will send the child home and pointedly remind the parents that they’ve done their share already. If there is an obvious bulge at the baby’s butt, it’s a DEFCON 5. If the dog refuses to sniff the baby, you may have a DEFCON 5. (And I’ll give a thousand dollars to the first person that can prove they have a normal child.)Īt this point, people in the room begin to feel faint. This is the highest level for ‘normal’ children. A good trick is to only breathe through baby wipes… but make sure you breathe through fresh ones, not the ones you just used on the baby. Parent’s with sensitive stomachs should not be involved in this process without an emergency barf bucket. If a size one or two diaper is full of poop, then you’ve reached DEFCON 4. This is the “Holy Crap, how did that much stuff come out of my tiny baby?” level. These generally occur while the child is beginning to eat ‘baby’ food. Cries of ‘Oh’ and ‘Gagh’ are heard during the changing process… especially late at night. Think about the first time your kid ate beanie weenies. This level can indicate a ‘full’ diaper or a ‘kinda’ smelly diaper. Any normal human can handle this DEFCON level without training or gas masks. ![]() No, DEFCON 1 is for the cute little bits of kibble that don’t smell at all. Not the stuff that happens right after birth, that’s stuff is just a virulent as anthrax on crystal meth. This level is generally limited to baby’s first few ‘real’ poopies. We use a reverse scale because, technically, there is no upper limit to the DiapEr Fill CONdition. Let me explain what the settings are for my son. This level is critical to parents everywhere. DEFCON 1 was most clearly related by the Weird Al Yankovic song ‘Christmas at Ground Zero‘. DEFCON 5 was “We’re at peace and US interests all over the world are bowing and scraping to our mightiness”. It was fairly simple, not like the homeland security’s condition magenta or whatever. The DEFense CONdition used by the government to tell us how close we are/were to nuclear war. My child is no longer in diapers, but this still a useful article.Įveryone in the US should have a working knowledge of the concept of DEFCON. ![]() Send us feedback about these examples.This is another rehash from my old blog. These examples are programmatically compiled from various online sources to illustrate current usage of the word 'DEFCON.' Any opinions expressed in the examples do not represent those of Merriam-Webster or its editors. 2022 Readiness is raised to DEFCON 2, one step below that of nuclear war. military achieving DEFCON 1, the highest-level alert status indicating a coordinated nuclear attack is imminent or has already begun. 2022 Able Archer 83 was a NATO exercise that year simulating conflict escalation with the Soviets that culminated in the U.S. 2023 The Defense Ready Condition ( DEFCON) system, to which West inaccurately refers, indicates situations of varying military severity, including nuclear, biological, or chemical threats levels range from DEFCON 5 (normal) to DEFCON 1 (maximum readiness). Jeremy Kahn, Fortune, Setting reasonable guardrails sounds like a great idea, but doing that will be cosmically difficult, particularly when one side is going DEFCON and the other is going public, in the stock market sense. ecosystem, most notably Hugging Face and Stability AI, both of which are also participating in the DEFCON 31 exercise. Recent Examples on the Web There also were no representatives from the fast-growing open-source A.I.
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